About the Metaphorical Cave

Recently I was privy to a girlfriend's relationship problems; hers was a classic example of what John Gray had described as "a man retreating into his cave when he does not have answers". They had broken up for personal reasons and even though I believed the guy wanted to reconcile, he needed more time to think. Repeatedly he asked for more time and it has already been a couple of months or so.

My girlfriend started out patient and understanding but her patience wore thin with time. I told her about the fabled "cave" as well as the dragon that resides in it, and we were left to acknowledge that eventually there was nothing we, as women, could do but wait and gripe.

It made me more certain that Gray's intentions were to lull his female readers into unsuspecting compliance; maybe I exaggerate but it certainly felt like the female demographic would better relate to his book and are more likely to attempt to implement actions in order to better help their relationships.

I do feel a little indignant at the suggestion of waiting indefinitely though; are we really meant to be pushed into such a helpless situation and is there really no other better solution ? I am not sure if anyone realises this, but isn't this whole idea of a woman submitting to her man's decisions (i.e. waiting tirelessly for him to exit his cave) a further propagation of the gender stereotypes set in place ?

Just some food for thought :)

Tootsie

"Tootsie" was thoroughly enjoyable as a comedy and thought-provoking as a film that raises some underlying gender stereotypes common in society.

I noticed that the film did draw some parallels with some of the key points mentioned in those articles we have been reading. For instance, that there was an obvious disparity between the genders, as depicted in how actor John Van Horn was allowed the freedom to read his lines off the screen. None of the women in the cast felt they had the right or authority to stand up to him when it was painfully obvious that he was doing a horrid job at acting.

In fact, the women in the show were portrayed as subdued and tender beings while the men were the ones who exacted dominance. The show's director, Ron Carlisle, as well as John Van Horn had the power to date and hook up with various female members of the cast and yet there was no sign of rejection from the women until John tried to kiss Dorothy.

Dustin Hoffman's character as Dorothy embodied the notions and behaviour of the new-age female, one able to stand up for herself and for her fellow females. We can see how gender stereotypes are already deeply enforced from how everyone in the studio reacted when Dorothy first changed the lines of the script to suit how she really felt. Everyone was shocked because they had not expected a woman to speak up against the director, who was male and was obviously treated with respect and importance.

Overall, I felt the film was really a good one and it left plenty of room for discussion !

Gender Roles - I Love Lucy

This is a clip of an episode from the popular American sitcom "I Love Lucy". In essence, this episode highlights how gender stereotypes are already ingrained into society and are so naturalised that any aberration from the norm will upset the balance, e.g. when both genders switched their roles they realised they were not up to the task.

Even though this sitcom dates back to the distant past, one can agree that traces of these gender stereotypes still prevail in modern times. The clip itself portrays a satirical sort of irony on stereotypes; first the notion that stereotypes can be broken free from and specialised gender roles easily be taken up by the other sex is portrayed, then the idea is smashed to ground as viewers realise that both genders had difficulty coping with their newly assumed roles.

I feel that the media is an important player that functions to perpetuate these stereotypes so that the "balance" can be well-maintained. While overly generalised, it's actually pretty important that these roles are somewhat maintained (even though I believe the separate circles are already beginning to overlap). Let's just say if most women decide to step out of their traditional position as Keeper of the Home, the family construct might well disintegrate over the years. There might actually be comfort in this balance after all !

I understand that we are supposed to post a clip depicting gender and miscommunication but I have been smitten with this German movie of late. Titled Zweiohrküken, or Two-Eared Chick as loosely translated, it's a romantic comedy that narrates the everyday life of a couple.




What really got to me was their mutual lack of understanding towards each other, as seen in several situations. In one particularly striking scene, Anna (the female lead) would ramble incessantly to her boyfriend Ludo, griping the fact that he does not fulfill his domestic responsibilities. Instead of having her nagging hit home, Ludo appeared nonchalant but consented to agreeing with her just so she would stop heaping the blame on him.

It made me wonder, acknowledging that miscommunication is prevalent in modern day relationships, if this is a common problem of conflict for couples. The average woman would expect her significant other to reflect on the issues she has raised and resolve to be better; this is, to her, an emotional connection with her man. On the other hand, with regards to the dominant patriarchy that is still structured in society albeit less firmly, the man in question might not adhere willingly as it would mean having to suppress the male ego.

Yet more often than not they choose to give in, as did Ludo in the film, but whether they adjust their behaviour is a different matter altogether. A male friend once mentioned that all they want is a peace of mind. He assumes that if he were to throw in the towel during an argument he would be able to appease his girlfriend, until the very next time it happens of course. Thus in his point of view, he does not sacrifice the "male pride" by consciously making a change, but has seemingly put a stop to the problem. The end result? Nothing actually changes and the same issues resurface over time.

I am unable to draw up any conclusive solution to this problem and instead have a few questions to ask. Does ignorance really mean bliss, if temporary? Are men and women able to compromise if they understand that each operate and think differently from the other?

Still, this movie is an awesome one and is now screening at Vivo City/Plaza Singapura only, so do catch it with an open mind :)

I'm an advocate of the modern day female construct and am very much inclined to share my own opinion on matters that, well, matter. In this day and age the lines between gender roles have been blurred and what used to be exclusive circles encompassing separate characteristics have gradually moved towards an overlap. As a writer and perpetrator of views from the fairer sex I try to keep things simple, easy to digest, and hopefully not as biased :)

This is Xin Rong, by the way. In my free time I enjoy people-watching at Starbucks, good music and a game of football. I'm just like any other, really !